Earlier this week, I caught up with a former colleague and still friend. Usually, calls like these largely involve sharing life updates and joking around. Lately, all social calls have covered primarily one topic: how we’re dealing with the pandemic. So during Tuesday’s call, I vulnerably and honestly admitted that it’s starting to get to me and I don’t know what to do. And even if I did, I simply don’t want to do anything.
I almost backspaced that sentence. It feels wrong to say. It feels lazy to say. It feels… not myself. But I left it because that is how I feel. It took weeks for me to let the thought even formulate in my mind. And then weeks for me to be okay with feeling that way.
For the first few weeks, I didn’t think much of the quarantine. In fact, I thought it would be a piece of cake because I had essentially already been quarantining since breaking my foot on Feb. 5, which is another story for another time. I thought it would be opportunity for my foot to fully recover and that everything would be fine by the end of March (undoubtedly an assumption based purely on false hope, not science). But alas, here we are. When people asked me how I was, my replies progressed (regressed, really) as such:
- Early-mid March: Oh, I’m fine. I’m ahead of the curve! Been doing this for 5-7 weeks already.
- Mid-late March: I’m starting to get antsy… I was already confined at home for a whole month before this happened.
- April: It’s starting to get to me and I don’t know what to do. And even if I did, I simply don’t want to do anything.
As I expressed this decline to my friend, he sympathized. Then he eagerly reminded me that it’s still important to get outside and walk around, to still treat other people with kindness, to still live life. While our new “normal” is undoubtedly different from what it used to be, we need to embrace it at least for now, knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And even then, I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to the same normal. But I do hope that through this struggle, we learn to:
- Appreciate home. Appreciate family. Appreciate friends.
- Create moments of peace for ourselves amidst the chaos of the world.
The most positive thing that has emerged from this pandemic is connection. Never have I seen so many virtual hangouts, had so many phone calls, or received so many care packages (from my mother). When we had the absolute freedom to see each other, we made excuses not to or we never made time to; or worse, we simply didn’t intend to. Now that quarantine is a mandate, everyone is, ironically, closer than ever.
I love that, of course. I just cannot help but contemplate why it took a pandemic for us to realize how important we all are to one another and to ask each other if we’re okay physically, mentally, and emotionally. Which brings me to my fears:
- This won’t be over any time soon.
- When this is over, we go back to not making time for or connecting with each other.
As I alluded to my fears, my friend reminded me that fear breeds stress, which is never good for the body. There’s no need to be fearful or stressed about the things we cannot change because there is still so much to appreciate and enjoy. More importantly, everything will be okay in the end. (And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. I think that’s what they say.) As he calmly reminded me these things, I realized that I hadn’t heard such positivity from anyone for weeks, maybe even months. It was a breath of fresh air I didn’t know I needed.
So the quarantine thoughts have led to these quarantine learnings:
- It’s okay to not “do something with all this time”.
- We care about and are here for each other.
- There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Days of My Life 