In the last post, I lamented–I mean, wrote about–my past few years’ dating experience. I’ve been reflecting on that, and have come up with an abbreviated list of lessons I have learned from dating in 2020:
- Just because you are ready for something does not mean everybody else is or needs to be. We all go at our own paces. It’s also okay if you thought you were ready but realize you aren’t after all.
- Most people you meet will leave your life. But you’ve lived an entire life before meeting the other person and you were perfectly okay. So when they leave your life, you will be okay again.
- You know the saying, “You get what you put into it”? Usually true, but not necessarily so in dating. Effort isn’t always reciprocated, and it certainly isn’t always equal. But unequal effort is only acceptable or tolerable for so long.
- “You get what you put into it” is especially untrue with time. You don’t get any time back. So be intentional about who you choose to spend it on and with. As part of this, it is crucial to establish expectations, or agree that there aren’t any, if that’s the case.
- Ask yourself, “Does this person add value to my life?” If you have to contemplate it for a while, if you can’t come up with an answer–the answer is very likely no, they do not add value to your life. A variation of this question is, “Does this person add stress or value to my life?” If someone is consistently adding more stress than value, or adding only stress rather than value, the situation is worth reconsidering (to say the least).
- Company vs. relationship–what are you really in this for? Someone to do things and pass time with, or someone to love and care for and who loves and cares for you?
- If you go extended periods of time without contacting each other and it doesn’t bother you, how invested are you really? And how invested are they?
- People deserve second chances. But third? Fourth? Fifth? History repeats itself because we let it.
- It’s easy to blame the other person. But consider, “It’s not you. It’s me.” Really introspect and ask yourself if you might have some things to figure out before you are ready to try to figure out someone else.
- The most important relationship to be in is the one with yourself. Do things for yourself. Care about and give as much effort to yourself as much as you do to everybody you date. Truly listen to yourself and respect your own wants and needs. Treat yourself as well as you would a significant other. You are the only person who you can never walk away from, who can never walk away from you.
Days of My Life 